29. How To Program Yourself For Influence
I went back and forth about whether to use the word influencer in the title because, since the rise of social media platforms, the meaning has totally changed. At the same time, using it made the most sense.
Because at the root of it ‘influence’ isn’t something you hope people grant you, it’s something you build internally and then embody externally.
Then others believe in it.
Open TikTok and you’ll see it. Everyone’s an influence in some respect.
A girl sharing her skincare routine.
A single mum of two breaking down time management.
A student voicing an opinion that goes viral overnight.
Influence is no longer exclusive to celebrities. It’s a rite of passage in the default currency of the digital age.
Whether you realise it or not, you’re already influencing how people feel, think, and respond through your energy, words, choices, even your silence.
The only difference between women who lead the narrative and women who follow it is how deliberately they’ve programmed their influence.
And as a woman, that matters more than ever. Influence gives you leverage in your career, your income, your relationships, and the way the world reflects back who you are. It’s not about being loud. It’s about being undeniable.
In this article, I’ll break down exactly how to program yourself for influence from an identity standpoint to showing up intentionally, so you no longer just hope to be influential, but also impactful.
You Don’t Need A Strategy to Be Influential
Who do you become in a room where no one knows your name? Before you pitch. Before you speak. Before you post. The most magnetic people in the world don’t try to be influential, they are programmed to believe they already are.
If your identity is still linked to survival, approval, or avoiding discomfort, no amount of content creation or visibility will land the way you want it to. Influence starts with what’s happening on the inside.
Ask yourself:
Who am I being when I walk into a room? Do I lead or look for permission?
What version of me do people experience on default? Is she powerful, or is she performing?
What internal stories am I still obeying that keep me small?
The Loop That Is Holding You Back
Every thought you repeat becomes a fixture in the script you're unconsciously acting out. And if that script says:
“I’m not ready yet.”
“What if I sound cringe?”
“People won’t take me seriously.”
...then you’ll sabotage influence before you even start.
Here’s how to know you’re running a disempowering script:
You rehearse rejections before they happen.
You’re overthinking how you're perceived in every room.
You start shrinking the moment you're around powerful people.
Reprogramming Questions:
What would the influential version of me believe about herself that I currently don’t?
Whose voice am I still obeying internally that makes me doubt my own?
Where am I using “humility” as a cover for fear?
How You Speak Determines How You Show Up
Someone on TikTok once said, “How would you show up for yourself if you were filming you’re own reality show for millions of people to watch around the world?” and that stuck with me ever since
So I ask you, if a camera crew followed you around for a day and could hear every thought you had about yourself, would they see a woman of influence… or a woman still in mental survival mode?
You can’t talk yourself down all day and expect to show up like a leader at the same time.
Your internal dialogue sets the tone for every room you enter, every conversation you hold, and every decision you make.
To program yourself for influence, your self-talk must sound like:
“I am allowed to take up space unapologetically.”
“I’m not here to be liked. I’m here to leave an impact.”
“Even if they don’t get it now, they will later.”
Will it feel forced? Yes.
But, good. Because it’s meant to.
That’s what programming feels like at first. It’s not supposed to be familiar. It’s supposed to be uncomfortable and deliberate.
Influence Through Repetition, Not Inspiration
You can watch all the TED Talks and listen to all the podcasts. But influence isn’t built through inspiration, it’s built through repetition.
To reprogram yourself for influence, you must create consistent inputs that upgrade your subconscious:
1. Create a daily influence ritual
Something that signals to your brain: “We are becoming her now.” This could be:
Speaking affirmations out loud while walking.
Practising your posture while visualising your highest self.
Recording voice notes as your influential identity and playing them back.
2. Surround yourself with language that reflects who you're becoming
Your environment is an algorithm. Audit it as necessary.
Follow women who speak from their power.
Read content that elevates your standards.
Archive or mute anything that feels like mental clutter.
3. Use subconscious priming
Right before bed and right after you wake up, prime your brain.
Whisper one belief you’re installing.
Visualise yourself influencing a room online or off and being well received with social media engagement or a round of applause.
You’re not just repeating phrases. You’re laying down new neural pathways.
The New Rules of How You Are Received
People don’t follow who you are, they follow how you feel about who you are.
In today’s world, the most influential women aren’t necessarily the loudest, the most conventionally beautiful, or even the most skilled. But the same rules apply.
Even if behind closed doors, they’re shaking. They walk into rooms and say what they believe. They show up like their influence is inevitable. Their energy doesn’t ask for approval. It tells the room what to feel.
To become that woman, program your presence with these rules:
No shrinking. If your voice shakes, speak anyway.
No proof-seeking. Your knowing you are it is the proof.
No waiting to be chosen. No waiting to be ready. Influence chooses itself first.
Finally
Building the influence muscle is a decision.
The more consistent you are, the more it grows. I call it ‘influential compounding’.
But most importantly, it’s a commitment to who you want to be.
Your inner world determines how the outer world responds to you.
Don’t just try to be more confident. Program the woman who already is. Install her beliefs. Repeat her behaviours.
Speak her thoughts. Move her moves and show up like she would.
And eventually, she won’t just be who you want to be. She’ll be who you are.
Questions To Ask Yourself
What identity am I unconsciously reinforcing that limits my influence?
How would I speak, walk, and think if I believed I could influence the people around me (friends, family, my boss)?
What does my current presence signal to the room, truth, or insecurity?
If I trusted my influence fully, what would I do differently this week?
Pay It Forward
The world only gets better when we share what we know. If something in this article sparked something in you, screenshot your favourite part and share it on Instagram, tag me so I can see what landed with you and repost to the community.
You never know who else needs that exact reminder.
