28. How To Break Free From Being Shy to Finally Being Seen
For once, I was running on time, meeting a friend for lunch. Clothes were on, makeup was done, hair was finished, and I had about 20 minutes to spare before I needed to leave to catch my train.
What could I do in those 20 minutes?…
That was the first time I ever showed up on camera to the community on social media, Instagram, to be specific.
It wasn’t planned, I didn’t really know what I was going to say, but what had taken me 4 years to pluck up the courage to do, I suddenly felt compelled to do in the heat of the moment on a random Wednesday afternoon and hit the record button.
So believe me, I know. That tightness in your chest that you feel every time you feel called to speak up, or post online, or walk into a room full of people and introduce yourself to someone is frightening, but it isn’t always because you're shy.
Yes, being shy is a personality trait, but there’s more to it than just being shy.
When you feel the urge to step forward, but feel as though something is holding you back, it’s because you are ready to be seen, but for so long you’ve trained your mind to hide.
You want to express yourself through your voice, your inner power, even your style, but before you’ve even uttered a word, you feel like something is shutting you down.
You want to be confident, bold, and influential, but instead you shrink…
And the fear sets in.
You start wondering:
“What’s wrong with me?”
“My life would be so much easier if I were a confident girl”
“What would it take for me to just put myself out there?”
But before you get frustrated with yourself, you should know thatthhus is much more common than you think, and the good news is, being shy is something you can easily overcome.
I’m not talking about ‘fixing your shyness’ because there’s nothing wrong with you in the first place.
Instead, in this article, I’ll show you a framework to step into who you really are and finally find the confidence to be seen.
You’re Operating From an Old Identity
From the day we sat down in front of a Disney film we were undoubtedly and often subconsciously trained to believe that being quiet meant being safe until our prince charming came and rescued us.
But as we know whether you are an extrovert or an introvert, neither means you are exempt from a spritz of patriarchy falling on your glossy locks…
“Don’t be too loud.”
“You’re being dramatic.”
“No one likes a show-off.”
“Who do you think you are?”
And so instead of becoming bold, you become polite, reasonable, fair and submissive.
Instead of owning your desires, you settle for being agreeable.
Instead of being expressive or opinionated, you become a master at auditing yourself and choosing your words carefully.
Why This Is Keeping You Stuck
Let’s go back to the narrative of being shy and what that means is happening on a deeper level.
You’re scared of being seen and not approved of.
You tell yourself you're an introvert to avoid doing scary things like showing up online or going to that event on your own.
You love the idea of showing up online, but only if the content is curated perfectly and canngyrantee you will get 100 likes
You overthink every move because your worth is still tied to how others perceive you.
And this isn’t because you’re lazy or unmotivated. Its because you’re stuck in a version of yourself that was built for familiarity, comfort and not visibility.
Five Signs You’re Ready To Be Seen
Before we get into the various ways you can break free from your shyness and start being seen, let’s uncover the tell-tale signs that you’re ready for this next step.
You feel a pull to start something new (a brand, a business, a significant move), but fear always wins.
You get frustrated when you see other women owning their voice… because you know you could be doing the same and changing your life.
You’ve got stacks of content or ideas in your drafts or written up on your notes app, but never post them.
You daydream about being ‘that woman’ then shrink when it’s time to act like her.
You’re sick of hiding, but you don’t know what to do next.
If you’re nodding along, leaning in because you can’t believe how close this is to your current reality, you’re ready.
How To Break Free So You Can Finally Be Seen
Okay, now we’ve covered those points, let’s stop talking theory.
Here’s what it takes to be seen:
1.Name the Identity You’re Leaving Behind
Give her a name. ‘The Shy Girl’, ‘The Quiet One’ ‘Church Mouse Chanelle’, ‘Background Brenda’, whoever fits.
The point is to separate yourself fromthat old version of younthat you no longer want to be. Brenda isn’t bad, but she is holding you back, stunting your potential, and keeping you ‘safe’. But you’re ready for a new chapter.
And that's why Brenda is being left behind.
2. Start Acting from the Version of You Who’s Already Confident
No, not ‘fake it to you make it’ in fact, I couldn’t think of anything worse.
This is aligning with the version you actually want to be and borrowing the habits from your future self.
Ask yourself:
What would ‘Confident Me’ wear today?
How would she answer that question?
Would she post this idea or overthink it for three more hours?
3. Stop Waiting For ‘Ready’
Confidence isn’t the prerequisite, it’s the by-product.
Do you think that when I found the courage to show up online after 4 years of going back and forth, I was ready? Hell no!
I wasn’t prepared, I wasn’t certain, I just had a ‘screw it’ moment and gave it my best shot just for fun.
You won’t feel ready until you do the damn thing. And that’s when the courage grows, when you grow that muscle of doing it before you’re ready. Start showing up before you believe you’re ready. That’s the unlock.
4. Expose Yourself To Small Doses of Visibility
Visibility is a muscle, and if you want it to grow to a superhero size, you need to grow it through compounding.
Post a story showing your face, even if it’s 30 seconds.
Do a voiceover reel for some videos you have saved in your draft.
Speak up once in a meeting.
Be the first to ask questions in a webinar
That’s all it takes.
5. Know That It Is Safe to Be Seen
Remember, you’re not that girl anymore. You’re a woman who is redefining what it means to take up space. Keep your nervous system regulated during this process to keep your mind and body in a state of calm.
Being seen is not scary or dangerous, and once you get used to it, it’s addictive and liberating.
Finally…
You Don’t Need to Be Someone Else, You Just Need to Be You…The Real You
Just because you’ve broken free from ‘Background Brenda’ doesn’t mean you need to step into ‘Loud Girl Lana’ especially if that role doesn’t feel natural. In fact, the confident girl in the room somehow always seems to be the one who says the least.
Because it’s not about becoming the most demanding or extroverted, it’s getting to a place where you can finally be who you are without a fear of rejection or the constant need to second-guess.
Believe it or not, there’s a version of you who walks into rooms and leaves as the most memorable person of the day. Not because you had to pretend to be someone you’re not, but because you showed up as who you truly are.
You’re not shy, you’re just on the tipping edge of another one of your timelines…and now it’s time.
Questions You Should Ask Yourself
What am I scared will happen if people actually see me?
Who taught me that being visible meant I was at risk of being judged?
What parts of me am I still hiding to be ‘acceptable’?
If I knew I would succeed… what would I start doing this week?
What would my life look like if I believed I was influential?
Pay It Forward
The world only gets better when we share what we know. If something in this article sparked something in you, screenshot your favourite part and share it on Instagram, tag me so I can see what landed with you and repost to the community.
You never know who else needs that exact reminder.
