32. The Three Types of Confidence, And The One You’re Missing
It’s been the reason I’ve been so fortunate in many situations. From interning at fashion magazines, styling photoshoots in Paris and Rome, launching a beauty brand and now guiding women around the world into their best versions.
And in the same breath, it’s the reason I’d held back for over three to four years from speaking both on and to the camera to share my thoughts more intimately.
I always found it strange that I could be so confident in one setting, say in a group of friends, where once upon a time I’d be deemed ‘the loud one’, then in the next moment my stomach would turn at the thought of speaking to a bunch of strangers online who didn’t know me at all.
Confidence is often sold to us as a one-size-fits-all, but if you think about it long enough, that can’t be right, surely?
It also can’t be right that some women are just born with it and some are not? You don’t come into the world strutting around the hospital wing, hi-fiving all of the other babies.
Confidence is not one thing, it’s three…
And if you’ve been struggling with self-doubt, insecurities, impostor syndrome, or simply feeling as though you’re never quite enough, then it’s either because you’ve been focused on building the wrong type of confidence or even skipping one entirely.
In this article, I’m going to share the three major types of confidence, how to recognise them, how to build on them and finally how to layer all three to turn you into a full-blown icon.
1.Confidence Type 1 - Internal Confidence (the identity layer)
This layer of confidence is your silent power and has a lot to do with the version of yourself you believe yourself to be.
Internal confidence is the confidence that makes up the most important part of your layers because it’s where you’ll look at how you speak to yourself before your world hears you utter a word.
Your internal confidence is built from your beliefs, your self-image, and your sense of personal power, and if it’s not concrete, no amount of external validation will stick.
You’ll sabotage every time.
Signs You’re Missing Internal Confidence
You constantly second- guess your decisions
You can’t take compliments, they feel awkward, undeserved, and to soothe the feeling, you deny the comment by saying things like “no, it would look much better on you” or “oh it’s so old, it was so cheap, I bought it in the sale”
You rely on routines and external wins to feel okay
How To Build Your Internal Confidence
In just 24 hours, you speak to yourself more than anyone else, rewrite your internal dialogue, change the words you use, are you saying appreciating words or depreciating language
Regulate your nervous system to build self-trust. Your nervous system doesn’t believe you when you say you want to change, show it you mean it this time by creating a safe space for it to allow this change.
Build evidence that you are already her. You don’t need to create an action plan for this, or look for outside receipts of this, just being able to sit in silence and still be comfortable with you’re own company
Confidence Type 2: Social Confidence (the influence layer)
Your social confidence is your ability to hold your power in a circle full of people without diluting down, shrinking in, performing or people-pleasing.
This type of confidence can often be misunderstood as being loud, extroverted or bold, which is fine, but if that’s not your natural vibe, then it may feel hard to be confident among a crowd.
But you don’t need to be loud or bold to hold this layer of confidence, it’s about knowing you are and how to communicate that without needing everyone to agree.
Social confidence is not about being liked, it’s about being clear in what you want to convey.
Signs You’re Missing Social Confidence
You rehearse conversations in your head before sending the text
You water down your opinions to avoid conflict
You hate being perceived even online… especially online
You say “yes” when you really mean “no“, then feel bad about it later
How To Build Social Confidence
Practising expressing your opinion in environments that you feel comfortable in, then try at work in a small meeting, then leave a comment online
Observing where you overexplain or justify. When you say you can’t attend an event, do you drag out the excuse?
Building daily wins, such as good eye contact or correcting someone when it feels necessary. If your name is Charlotte and you hate when people shorten it to Charley, politely correct them, let them know you prefer to be called Charlotte
Confidence Type 3: Execution Confidence (the discipline layer)
Where belief meets action, this is the confidence that will build momentum into taking action.
Execution confidence is the “I said I would, so I did” attitude that fuels your fire to always show up for yourself. It’s what keeps you going when the motivation dies down, because it always does. This layer of confidence is built on your habits, your ability to follow through, and how you honour your word (to yourself first) without needing the hype, the validation or the circumstances to be perfect.
Signs You’re Missing Execution Confidence:
You ghost your own goals
You master a plan but slack on completing it
When you do show up, it’s for a week
You get excited over the idea of change, but never implement it
You binge on productivity and self-help content but don’t apply it
How To Build Execution Confidence:
Make fewer promises to yourself and then keep them
Setting deadlines and tracking completion, not perfection
Getting comfortable with the idea of failing so you stop avoiding discomfort
Have All Three To Become Unstoppable
Of course, if you want to become a force of a woman, holding all three will move mountains for your reality. When all three layers are locked in, here’s what happens:
You trust yourself to show up, even on the days when it feels impossible
You walk into rooms like you created them, not like you were lucky to be invited
You stop overthinking because your actions, presence, and identity are aligned
Your friend starts referring to you as ‘the confident one’, ‘the one who knows what she wants’, ‘the one who always gets what she wants’
You get to skip over the confidence content because you are that woman, literally
If they want to sell us a package, they can sell us the Iconic Confidence Trilogy, I’d buy it lol!
So, Which One Are You Missing
The only way to go forward from here is to get painfully honest.
Ask yourself:
When I feel ‘off’, is it because I’ve stopped believing in myself or is it because I’ve stopped doing the things that prove who I am?
Do I shrink in certain rooms, environments, or relationships? Why?
Am I only confident when I’m winning, or can I hold my power even in uncertainty
Where do I keep saying ‘next week’ when I should be saying ‘now’
Let these questions shake you at your core. Motivation will never save you, let this guide be your blueprint to unlocking the powerful, confident woman you didn’t know you could be.
