33. How To Adopt The Audacity of a White Man in a World That is Telling You To Be Quiet

The true title of this article was meant to be... ‘How To Adopt The Audacity of a White, Middle to Upper Class, Heterosexual Man in a World That Is Telling You To Be Quiet’…

But it was way too long.

Nevertheless, we’ve seen it countless times.

In meetings, on panels, in group chats, in job interviews, these days even at a damn Pilates class.

He shows up, he’s not that good…He’s not good at all.

Underqualified, overconfident, and even if he is a bit nervous, it’s not because of his gender or his race.

He’s there, taking up space, not because he’s the best, but because deep down, there is no reason for him to feel as though he doesn’t belong.

No matter where he is, the world has been designed so that he can move freely like an aged-over-60 London pensioner with a freedom pass (and even they have restrictions).

And because he moves so brazenly and believes in his own sauce, the world believes him too.

Now, compare that to you.

You are brilliant, intelligent, vivacious, fun, full of ideas, and I’d go as far as to say a genius.

But you tiptoe around your ideas, you stutter when describing your dreams, you water your voice down to sound less authoritative.

You preface your excellence with “just a quick thought” or “I’m not an expert but…”

And what do you get in return? Glanced over, looked past or sometimes just completely ignored.

You may even have had the same audacity you courageously exercised weaponised against you.

But no more.

In this article, we’re going to break down the various ways to embody an unshakeable audacity without losing either your softness or sharpness.

We need more women who aren’t afraid to lead with presence, speak up with conviction, and stop waiting for permission.

We’re the most powerful piece on the chessboard. Are you ready to make the next move?

Step 1: Remove the ‘Be Humble’ Conditioning

If you’re from the UK in particular, read this step seven times before moving on to the next.

We have a serious issue here where we think you should be humble and happy for getting the bare minimum and just keeping your head above the water.

That is not living, that is surviving. Barely.

I saw somebody on TikTok say that the UK has a poverty-stricken mindset, and I couldn’t agree more. So, here’s what it is.

You were taught to be small.

Be nice.

Be friendly.

Be quiet.

Don’t be too loud or overbearing, and don’t be too confident because it comes off as ‘too much’.

And if you’re black or a woman of colour, the instructions were even more loaded. Be strong, but not too strong, because that’s intimidating. Be professional, but not assertive. Be passionate, but not too emotional.

But it was never really about any of these things. It was always about staying in line. It was about not being too powerful for the systems that rely on us to be silent.

Sure, there are many pieces which cover these ideas on social media, but how much are we talking about how dangerous internalised humility can be for women?

You can probably recall a time or many where you felt you had to water yourself down, even through your own personal achievements.

You’ve mastered how to succeed without ruffling feathers, how to be impressive without being threatening, how to be confident but not too visible.

But at what cost?

At what point do we ask if this is humility or humiliation?

Signs you’re still trapped in your ‘Good Girl’ programming

• You over-explain before making a solid decision

• You wait to be invited instead of inserting and asserting yourself in a room (yes, there are ways to do this and still be polite)

• You tone down your abilities to avoid being called arrogant

• You’d rather be overworked than seen as lazy

• You see confidence in others as admirable, but worry that it makes you look overbearing

Ask yourself: How would I move if I truly believed I belonged in every room I walk into?

Step 2: Start Doing What a Mediocre Man Would Do

If white male confidence had a scent, it would be a woody musk, maybe with a hint of vanilla and a base note of unbothered entitlement.

And this isn’t about becoming arrogant or disrespectful because there’s no need to take it there.

This is about adopting the kind of certainty that allows you to back yourself, loudly and consistently, even when nobody backs you.

White men move like the world is rigged in their favour.

Because it is.

But hear me when I say this, that cannot be the reason you can’t move with the same certainty. It just means you’ll need to back it up with bigger receipts because your confidence will be questioned even when it’s been earned.

So instead of letting that discouragement do the opposite and use it as fuel.

The ‘White Male Confidence’ formula you can ethically steal:

• Show up early and assume you’re meant to be there. You don’t need permission

• State your ideas with conviction - do not apologise. Say with chest

• Raise your prices, your standards, your hand. Often.

• Apply for things you only feel 60% ready for. You’ll figure it out along the way - they certainly always do

• Stop explaining your worth. Expect it to be recognised, or walk away

Ask yourself: What would a mediocre man do in my position about the thing that I’m holding back on?

Step 3: Stop Earning Your Right To Be Heard

Look, I’ll be honest.

You don’t need another course, another podcast, another masterclass, another book. What you need to do is decide you’re worthy now.

We live in a culture that convinces women that our voices are only valid when they’re backed by accolades, degrees, testimonials, or endless proof.

But you could be a literal expert, like a gold standard, and if you don’t sound confident, you will be doubted, even by some other women.

Meanwhile, you’ve seen men speak on topics they Googled the night before, march in with a puffed chest, and get rewarded for it.

This is not me encouraging you to be reckless. This is a call to be unapologetically assertive in what you already know, already feel, already are.

Continuing to earn your worth will always end up overworking, overthinking, and over-delivering for a world that still won’t clap until she breaks herself to pieces.

Ask yourself: What am I already excellent at, and why am I acting like I still need a cosign?

Step 4: Create Your Days Like Someone Who Belongs

The most audacious people walk like they’ve already arrived, they dress for the part, and they don’t beg for time or chase attention.

They assume alignment, and people respond to it.

This is the energy you need to cultivate, especially when you’ve been taught to wait.

Start designing your life like someone who isn’t going back and forth with her power. Build a reality that reflects the internal transformation, not one that waits for proof before evolving.

How to adopt main character structure:

• Build a morning ritual that activates your power. Make it sacred

• Use your voice daily. On paper, on camera, in conversation. Train it

• Dress like someone who expects to be seen. No more hiding

• Only commit to rooms, conversations, and opportunities that match your level.

• Audit your digital space. Your feed should mirror who you’re becoming, not who you’re outgrowing.

Ask yourself: Where am I still designing my life to survive, not to lead?

Step 5: Be Comfortable With Being Too Much

I won’t lie to you.

You will be too much.

Too confident. Too direct. Too expensive. Too loud. Too sure of yourself.

The plot twist is, the moment you try to dilute yourself to avoid those labels, you become too little for you.

Adopting audacity means learning how to tolerate the discomfort of being misunderstood. It means accepting that not everyone will approve of your power, especially if they were benefiting from your inner fears and self-doubt.

But your presence is not something to apologise for.

Ask yourself: Am I willing to disappoint others to stay loyal to myself?

Finally…

I’ll say it again, this isn’t about becoming arrogant or being impolite. It’s about becoming unshakeable in a world that profits when you’re unsure.

• You are not required to play small to make others feel secure.

• You are not responsible for keeping the peace if it means sacrificing your voice.

• You are not obligated to earn your place at a table you helped build.

Let them call it audacity. Let them misunderstand it as ego. Let them whisper.

Just don’t let them keep you quiet.