44. When You Decide to be Taken Seriously, Everything Changes
I still find it hard to believe that the term ‘likeable’ holds any weight because only the people who like you think you are ‘likeable’.
Your sister might think you’re the bestest friend a girl could ever have and will therefore tell her friends, her work colleagues and even extended family members how likeable you are. But let’s think about the friends you fell out with over the pandemic, or the boss you just can’t see eye to eye with, or your mother-in-law who swears that her precious son could do better.
Do they think you’re likeable?
See, likeable people usually end up on my suspect list because what that usually means is that you’re agreeable, negotiable, easy to digest.
And don’t get me wrong, there’s nothing wrong with that. However, it does set you up to be overlooked.
There comes a point when being ‘likeable’ starts to cost more than it gives.
You notice it in the colleague who interrupts you mid-sentence, the photographer who offers you exposure instead of payment, and the friend who always assumes your time is free whenever they come calling.
Unfortunately, opportunities do not come calling for women who do not take themselves seriously. They may compliment you, they may admire your personality, they may even follow you online, but admiration alone doesn’t translate into influence, power or at the very least, respect.
In this article, I’ll walk you through why the world has confused ‘likeable’ and ‘relatable’ with relevant, how soft branding keeps women trapped in the middle ground, visibility, and how you can shift into being seen and paid as a woman with presence, authority and weight.
The Obsession with Being Relatable
This morning, I opened up my TikTok ( I know, completely against ritual rules, we’re working on it) and came across a video of a woman explaining why she had to unfollow a certain creator because she had become ‘unrelatable’.
My first thought was “Does the creator know that you unfollowed?” and the second was “Had she become unrelatable? Or had she become unrelatable to you?”. When you study the Law of Relativity, you often ask yourself these questions.
Because what is relatable and what is unrelatable, and to whom?
In a world terrified of being too much, women have been told to stay funny, be friendly, be nice, be accessible in a way that likability became the new currency.
You can be successful, but not intimidating. Ambitious but still ‘one of the girls’
You may notice this in yourself:
You overexplain so others in the office don’t think you’re being arrogant
You downplay how much you earn to remain ‘humble
You soften your delivery so your message lands more easily
But what impact does that have on your future as a powerful woman? The more ‘relatable’ you are, the more you head in the direction of being disrespected. Relatability is meant to make connections easier, but instead, it’s made credibility harder.
The Cost of a Soft Launch
No, this has nothing to do with the boyfriend you keep showing pieces of in your Instagram story. It has everything to do with the fact that when your public presence revolves around being digestible, people start to consume you without valuing you.
You become a brand that’s ‘nice to follow’ but not a vice to quote or remember. And that difference determines whether your work gets shared or stolen, whether your name opens doors or gets forgotten.
So, what does a soft launch look like in practice:
You used self-depreciating humour so people don’t think you’re full of yours
You apologise for charging premium prices, then secretly feel resentful
You change engagement instead of excellence because you’re scared of being seen as too aggressive
And as a result, you become visible, but not taken seriously.
Visibility without being serious about what you do gives the impression of accessibility, and once it reaches that point, it’s hard to turn back.
People assume you’ll say yes, that you’ll work for less, that you’re always available. The world takes cues from how seriously you take yourself.
Seriousness as a Status Signal or Survival
Serious doesn’t mean stern, or impolite, or unfriendly, or unpleasant, or rude.
A serious woman doesn’t compete to be heard; she waits for the room to quiet down. When she enters a partnership, she negotiates with clarity without apology. When she posts online, it’s not for validation, it’s a strategy.
Being serious shows you value your work, your time, and, importantly, your reputation and that others should too.
For black women, being serious isn’t just a strategy, it’s survival as well as a game of cat and mouse.
The same composure that is seen as ‘leadership’ in a woman of another race, someone else misreads as having an ‘attitude’ or ‘arrogance’ when it comes from us.
It’s a tightrope, navigating the office, the drinks after work, the social media platform, while being aware that every tone, every expression, every look can be interpreted through someone else’s bias.
So you learn the art of coded balance, you know the one where you use the precision of being firm just enough not to be labelled, confident just enough without being called intimidating. It’s exhausting, but it also builds an unshakeable power when refined.
Because once you stop negotiating with perception, you start defining it.
Seriousness then becomes liberation, and you say, “ I will not dilute my authority to make you comfortable” without even saying a word.
This isn’t a bid to be seen as high-value, it’s about being seen as valuable.
The Reframe - Do Not Chase Visibility, Command Regard
Visibility is necessary for becoming a formidable woman, and you need to become comfortable if you are going to the next level in your life. At the same time, there’s a point where being seen stops being enough, and you want to be regarded.
The women who rise in power are clear on what they want and what they say. Stuttering is a foreign language. They don’t need to compete for space. They already occupy it naturally because they mastered the art of depth, discernment, and consistency over time.
If you want to be taken seriously, you have to start seeing yourself that way first. Every word, every action, every standard is either building or breaking your reputation. Choose seriousness, not to perform but as a form of self-respect.
Questions You Should Ask Yourself This Week
Where have I been performing ‘relatable’ at the expense of being respected?
How can I signal more authority through my habits, not just my words?
Who in my life actually treats me as serious, and who benefits when I don’t?
What would my career, business, or influence look like if I stopped apologising for taking it seriously?
