38. The Formula of Women Who Always Get What They Want
When we look at women who are getting what they want, there are various groups, but two in particular stand out to me.
The women who talk about getting what they want, and the group that actually gets what they want.
Believe me, they’re running in two different lanes, one is wishing, one is winning. One group lives in hesitation, overthinking their choices, hoping something will eventually shift. The other sets their sights on something and goes for it like a leopard that spots an antelope after three days of intermittent fasting that they didn’t volunteer for.
She’s decisive, deliberate and shockingly consistent about her standards.
Truth is, the women who get what they want don’t always rely on luck, reaching unattainable beauty standards, or even privilege as much as you might think. They rely on a formula. A formula they tried a few times, saw the results, and swore by it.
It’s a way of moving through the world that makes it damn near impossible for them not to get what they came for.
In this article, I will break down that formula step by step and offer a set of questions most women ask when it comes to ambition, discipline, and desire. If you’ve ever felt like you’re doing everything right but still not seeing results, what you’re about to read will change everything.
Radical Clarity
You’ve heard countless times that you need to know exactly what you want, yet when I ask women in the community or private clients, “What do you want?”, the answer is usually “to be happy.”
A pretty valid answer if you ask me, but it’s just not clear enough. Happy where? Happy with who? Doing what? With how much money?
Vague desires create vague results
How many times have you said, I want to live a better lifestyle, more zeros in the bank account, a relationship that lasts. These are all great statements and sound nice, but they’re not concrete. The woman who always gets what she wants knows exactly what that thing is, and more importantly, what it feels like to have it.
Instead of ‘more money’, they ask for “£8,000 a month from my business so I can live in a luxury London apartment and travel twice a month”
Instead of wanting a ‘great relationship’, they ask for “a partner who plans dates, is emotionally intelligent, communicates openly and shares my vision for a happy future”
Instead of ‘a better lifestyle’, they go for “a work week that doesn’t include Fridays, remote so I can join Pilates three times a week and a home with underfloor heating for those cold winters”
Ask yourself if you have a concrete plan of what you want, is it detailed, or are you just fantasising? Only one will get you what you really want.
Boundaries with No Apology
And that’s the easy bit. The hard bit is not settling for anything that doesn’t fall in line with what you want.
Where most women tend to miss out on what they want is that although they know what they want, not making expectations is easier said than done.
It’s always easier to say you want a relationship where the man leads, until a 6-foot, dark-skinned God with a Scottish accent stomps into your life and says the dreaded sentence, “I don’t know? I don’t mind, whatever you want to do.”
Next minute you find yourself curating a ‘date night’ moodboard of all the things you can do on a Friday evening.
Women who get what they want are standing on their business and don’t crumble when someone pushes back. They’re not aggressive, but they won’t budge on their non-negotiables.
For example, a woman in her career is offered a promotion that doubles her workload but barely changes her pay. Instead of thinking “well, it’s better than nothing’ she politely declines and waits until the role that truly aligns comes along.
She won’t settle for crumbs, she wants the entire loaf…and she’s going to get it.
The same goes for a woman who is dating, she stops responding to men who ask ‘to chill’ at 11 pm. Never mind that, she’s not even answering the phone because who do they think she is? A 24-hour call centre? No. Get the right one and you’ll see that she doesn’t respond at all, she won’t explain either, she’ll just remove herself from that pool entirely.
Where are you accepting crumbs? Then ask yourself why you’re accepting them. Is it because you think it’s all you can get? I believe you deserve better, and you can get it.
Embodied Confidence
Obviously, I can’t talk about being a woman who gets what they wants without talking about an unwavering sense of confidence.
And while it’s easy to talk about confidence, it’s a bit harder to I’ve by - the difference is embodiment.
Women who always get what they want are almost allergic to people pleasing. They aren’t over-explaining because they are perfectly fine with you coming up with your own narrative. They aren’t trying to convince you to like them because they have nothing to prove.
These women sit in rooms and tend to speak less, not out of fear, but from a place of self-assurance, and so when they do have something to say, everyone listens. They don’t brag about having boundaries because they know there’s more importance in practically upholding them.
Signs of embodied confidence:
Speaking slowly instead of rushing words.
Saying “no” without cushioning it with apologies.
Walking away from opportunities that don’t align, even when the fear of scarcity kicks in.
Discipline That Outlasts Desire
Here’s the part most people get wrong - waiting for a burst of motivation will not get you what you want. Motivation isn’t your friend, she’s your acquaintance. It’s about staying consistent when it’s inconvenient.
My body didn’t start to change because I was motivated to go for a 10k step walk every morning for 10 months straight. You think I wanted to do that? Hell no, it was discipline that got me there, because discipline is the prerequisite of consistency.
And so, the woman who saves and invests instead of splurging every month eventually buys her apartment in cash. As well as the woman who sets aside two hours a day to write her book, even when she’d rather scroll TikTok, ends up published and on the Sunday Times Bestsellers List.
Discipline outlasts feelings because feelings come and go. That’s why she gets what she wants.
Strategic Influence
Often enough, when we talk about women who get what they want, it means they are manipulative, and yes, to some degree, that is true, but not in the negative sense that is often portrayed when speaking about powerful women
This is about influence.
Women who always get what they want know how to read a room. They understand timing, tone, and leverage. They know when to ask for a raise, they don’t try to persuade someone who’s already resistant. They position their requests where success is likely.
Here’s what this might look like
In the workplace: waiting until after a major project lands to negotiate pay.
In relationships: asking for bigger diamonds after laughing at your husband’s boring jokes
In life: leveraging networks, connections, and visibility to ensure they’re always in the right rooms.
Finally
When you combine clarity, boundaries, confidence, discipline, and influence, you create inevitability. That’s why these women appear almost untouchable.
No, they don’t always get it instantly, but they get it eventually, because they refuse to dilute the formula.
Questions You Should Ask Yourself This Week
Do I actually know what I want, or am I chasing vague ideas?
Where am I settling for crumbs and calling it a meal?
Am I confident in my body language and tone, or am I performing confidence out of fear?
Do I show up only when it’s convenient?
How can I use timing, tone, and positioning to make what I want easier to receive?
