41. How To Build Habits You Can Keep for Life
Lord, I’m going to lose my mind if I see one more person on their way to another Pilates class, tightly gripping a mint coloured smoothie, with the mat rolled up under their armpit as they struggle to find a balance between their fingers in the other hand to take the selfie no one asked for to pretend to their followers that these are the morning habits that make up their routine. When, in reality, they are trying to signal to others that they have their life together, but deep down they want to crumble inside because it doesn’t feel like fun.
You don’t have to do it.
You don’t need a 4am start, a colour-coded calendar, or a morning matcha to change your life. It’s not necessary.
What you need to stop doing is pretending you’re someone you’re not, because this is the exact reason why so many women are failing to build habits that align with their highest version.
Not because they’re lazy, but because they are performing.
Building habits that stick doesn’t require you to do everything, everywhere, all at once (great film by the way, would recommend).
The most you need to do is lace your trainers up, and that’s it. One small act that signals you’re changing. Adding more vegetables to the plate. One simple act you’re changing. Not feeling pressured to respond to a text message as soon as you receive it, in case the other person thinks you’re ignoring them. One simple act you’re changing.
Because most people never quite realise, the transformation isn’t in what you’re doing, it’s in how you think about what you’re doing and how many times you can do it.
In this article, I’ll show you how to build habits that feel natural, sustainable, and deeply aligned with who you are becoming, not who Lizzy Online told you to be. If you’re tired of the pattern of stop-start-stop-start, then keep reading because this might be the last time you have to.
The Real Reason You Don’t Stick To Your Habits
Let’s face it, half of these morning routines people glorify online are just pantomime. They’re polished snippets of someone else’s discipline, created for views, not longevity.
How many times have we considered a creator online to have the perfect routine? Everything is so glossy and so sparkly. You see the clean kitchen counter and the perfect yoga mat setup and think I want that life, only for years later that same creator to completely crash out because she was tired of living a way that didn’t feel true to who she really was?
So is that what you really want, or do you want the feeling of what that person seems to have - peace, control, an ease in rhythm?
Before we make it right, let’s look at where you might be going wrong
You pick habits that look good, not habits that fit your life.
You overestimate what you can sustain and underestimate what you actually enjoy.
You attach your worth to whether you ‘kept up’ instead of asking “Does this habit even work for me anymore?”
A habit rooted in aesthetics will eventually collapse. Because the deeper part of you knows this is not you and will ultimately rebel. The only habits that last are the ones that make you feel powerful, productive, or peaceful, not the ones that make you feel trapped or like a fraud.
Start Small, Then Multiply the Momentum
You’ve probably heard this before: “Start small.”
But the advice gets lost when you don’t actually understand what small feels like.
It’s not “I’ll go to the gym three times a week.” It’s literally:
Get your trainers on.
Then, get out the door.
Then, walk around the block.
Then, around a few more blocks.
Then one day, you find yourself doing laps around the neighbourhood with music in your ears or an hour-long podcast, and a mind that finally feels light.
That’s what small looks like, and that’s how real habits form.
Every tiny habit compounds when it’s paired with identity. When you start thinking of yourself as someone who keeps promises to herself, the habit isn’t the goal, it’s the evidence.
The Pressure to Be Perfect is Why You Quit
Once you’ve trained yourself to start small, it should take a huge amount of pressure off, which is important for several reasons.
When you turn a new habit into a full-blown personality overhaul, you set yourself up to fail. You don’t need to burn the old you to become the new you, you just need to refine her.
Stop trying to:
Wake up at 5 a.m. when your workday doesn’t start till nine. Trust me, sleep is more important.
Journal for 30 minutes when you don’t even know what to say yet.
Cook every meal from scratch when you hate washing dishes. Yeahh, I know you like this one. But it’s true, baby steps.
Perfection is the enemy of momentum. If it means you have a ready meal or a takeaway every Friday, so that one day a week you don’t have to wash up, then do that.
If it means you get an hour in bed and wake up well rested for the day ahead, instead of waking up feeling disoriented at 5am to be the early bird, sorry, I’m getting that extra hour.
Every time you fall off because your habit feels too heavy, you’re reinforcing the inability to remain consistent. But if you make your habits simpler, kinder, and smaller, you’ll build trust with yourself. And that’s what changes everything.
When a Habit Becomes an Identity
The point of building habits isn’t to control yourself, it’s to elevate and align your patterns of behaviour with the version of yourself you dream of being. You don’t want to just do the thing. You want to become the kind of woman who naturally does it because it feels right.
Think of it like this:
You don’t force yourself to brush your teeth. You just do it because it’s who you are.
You don’t force yourself to brush your hair before leaving the house, it’s a built-in habit that presentation matters to you
That’s what your habits should feel like: automatic, integrated, aligned.
The aim isn’t perfection; it’s integration. When your habits match your identity, you don’t need motivation, just maintenance.
Finally
Building habits is finding the willingness to meet yourself where you are and still move forward. The woman who learns to love her discipline doesn’t need to chase routines. She embodies it.
Questions You Should Ask Yourself This Week
Do I actually enjoy the habits I’m trying to build, or do I just like how they look online?
Am I trying to be consistent or impressive?
If I only did one small thing this week to feel proud of myself, what would it be?
When was the last time I adjusted a habit to fit my real life instead of forcing it?
How would my routine look if I stopped performing and started personalising?
