9 Red Flags To Not Ignore When Dating Someone New
The world of dating is a complex one, nothing is black and white and the difference between a flaw and a flag could be ever slight but important to identify.
Here are nine major warning signs to look out for when you’re getting to know someone new.
1.Asking You Out Without Getting To Know You
One thing that used to really turn me off in dating was someone wanting to meet up as soon as they gained access to my phone book
Like, darling, relax, and enjoy that you made it this far before we start talking dates and times.
And I get it, in today's world of online dating and apps, it’s not uncommon to meet someone through messages first.
However, if someone insists on asking you out for an in-person meeting before you’ve had a proper conversation over the phone or video call to see if you vibe, this could be a red flag.
Call me an overthinker but my first thoughts would be, if you are eager to meet this quickly how quickly are you meeting other girls?
Do you really want to get to know me?
Am I just a number on your roster?
What’s the hurry?
Go with your instincts on this one. Some are genuine and are better company in person than over the phone. If you aren’t ready to meet just yet, politely decline their offer to meet so soon because you’d like to get to know them a bit more over the phone first. If they can’t have one conversation before meeting, consider it a red flag.
2. Wanting to be Pen Pals
That said, notice if they don’t discuss meeting up at all.
If you have both been communicating regularly but there has been no talk about going on a date or when you bring it up, they change the subject, or don’t follow through, this is a red flag.
Someone who is genuinely into you would want to be in your company, physically, meaning pen pals and only communicating through text is not an option.
It might be time to give them an ultimatum explaining if there are no plans to go out soon you will simply move on.
They may think you’re bluffing, but stand strong no matter how much you like them, you’re worth more than being strung along.
It takes courage to ask someone out on a date, so they might be a bit shy, but if they were really into you they would inclined to make that move sooner rather than later.
Side note: Asking you over to their house as a first or even second date and dressing it up as ‘we could do dinner at mine’ is not a date.
Such low effort should not be merited with your time so early in the dating stage. You’re worth more than that.
3. Not Showing Interest In Your Interests
In the event they are grown enough to plan a date and meet face-to face pay attention to how good they are at holding a conversation.
You both should be trying to get to know each other one as much as the other.
Are they asking you questions?
Do they seem interested in knowing your point of view?
Are they giving you a chance to talk?
Or do they spend most of the time talking about themselves?
If the person you’re dating shows little to no interest in the things that light you up—your hobbies, passions, or aspirations—this is something to take seriously.
4. Badmouthing Ex-Girlfriends, Ex-Wives, the Mother of Their Children etc.
I don’t need to tell you that if they talk about their ex too much it’s a warning sign in itself.
But as well as this, a red flag that tends to go unnoticed is speaking badly about exes and those they dated before you.
This also goes for badmouthing the mother of their children, it’s so icky. Particularly so early in the dating stage.
The last thing you want to sit through on a date is someone completely slating the women who came before you.
It sets a negative tone to the date, it gives the impression they are coming with the drama they haven’t moved on from, and takes what should be a good time in the wrong direction.
On top of that, my personal feelings are, if you can talk crap about your exes to someone you barely know, there’s a likelihood at some point you’ll talk shit about me. Red flag!!
While it’s normal to have difficult past relationships, blaming everything on the other person or speaking disrespectfully about them raises concerns.
5. They Don’t Have Any Friends
Although this isn’t necessarily a bad thing, it is something to take note of.
Some people are loners by nature, they love their own company and are quite happy to live a life consisting of just themselves, close family members, and their dog, and perhaps the last piece of the puzzle is that someone special, you.
But, not having any friends could mean they rely on you to always be available to them.
If you enjoy your space and independence this might end up with them feeling like a bit of a burden.
Friendships are often a reflection of a person’s ability to maintain healthy, reciprocal relationships. Not having any friends could point to deeper issues such as emotional immaturity, unresolved trauma, or toxic behaviour.
Pay attention to how they speak about friendships or lack thereof. If they seem isolated or dismissive of needing friends, this could be problematic.
6. Signs of Love Bombing
Love bombing is a technique mainly used by manipulators and severe narcissists which, to be honest, aren’t too hard to come across in the world of dating.
The idea of love bombing is that the ‘love bomber’ portrays themselves as being madly in love with you very early in getting to know you however, the ulterior motive is to have you solely depending on them.
Love bombers will use specific tactics to get you to fall in love with them quickly and intensely before ghosting you and playing mind games setting you up for long-term manipulation and sometimes abuse.
Gross, I know. And a major red flag.
A few ways to detect if someone might be attempting to love bomb you are:
Signs to watch for: Constant communication, overwhelming gifts, fast-moving declarations of love, and talks about the future way too soon.
What to do: Slow things down and set boundaries. If they become frustrated or try to guilt you into reciprocating the intensity, this is a major red flag.
Real love makes you feel free, not trapped or suffocated.
7. They Don’t Respect your Boundaries
I’m convinced I’ve managed to avoid being trampled on throughout my entire dating life because I let it be known from early on that I have standards which need to be adhered to or it’s exit stage left.
Be bold enough to set standards and boundaries before you enter the dating scene and reinforce them throughout. This doesn’t have to be as militant as it sounds, it’s really to protect you from low-value experiences.
Let your standards be known as soon as possible so they are aware of what you will accept from what you won’t.
This might be a preference on where you like to be taken on dates, not sleeping with them on the first date, or agreeing not to meet each other’s children after only a month of dating.
Whatever your boundaries are, stand firmly by it, if they can’t respect what you have put in place it might be time to move on.
Do not lower your standards to meet someone else’s expectations, that’s not fair on you, and besides, a person who is truly interested and sees something long-term will understand knowing you are worth the wait.
8. A Predominantly Negative Mindset
There’s nothing more insufferable than dating someone who is painfully negative.
Current worldly affairs are pretty grim, and the last thing you need is multiple conversations about how awful life is.
Yes, it’s unfair and not realistic to expect someone to be happy, excited, inspiring, and positive all the time, but if the person you are dating is always complaining whether it be about work, their friends, their family, their finances, the government, the system…
Ugh! It can be extremely draining and taxing on your energy too.
If they talk more about their problems and less about how they plan to solve their problems…red flag!
9. You Have a Bad Feeling
And when all else fails, listen to your strongest indicator, your gut.
Your gut instinct is trying to tell you something and although our instincts can sometimes be wrong (thankfully), if that niggling feeling doesn’t go away, acknowledge it.
If something is bothering you but you can’t put your finger on it, the best thing to do would be to just ask.
If you think the person you’re dating has been acting a little shady recently, ask them flat out.
Let them know things don’t feel right, and ask if everything is okay in their life and how they feel about the direction of the relationship.
Sometimes it’s not you. It might be a problem at work, with family, finances or friends and it’s affecting your relationship,
Maybe they’ve checked out and didn’t know how to tell you, or maybe nothing is wrong at all and they’ve just been busy and needed some space.
Whatever you do, don’t jump to conclusions without knowing all the facts, always ask before assuming.
Final thoughts
Dating is a journey of learning, but it’s essential to trust your intuition and set healthy boundaries from the start.
These red flags are clear indicators that someone might not be the best fit for a healthy, fulfilling relationship.
If you notice any of these warning signs, don’t ignore them—pay attention and take the necessary steps to protect yourself emotionally. You deserve to date someone who respects, values and supports you.
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